Regrets regrets regrets

This is the day! The day which I wished never come by....

Have u ever regretted committing something small yet BIG that would most likely haunt u miserably? Oh Gosh!!! 'Not knowing is the best', I should have just held on to that. Stubborn me!!! Now that I've unveiled things I shouldn't have, my life is apparently more tormented by the fact that I could never put 'the thing' at rest. It had past me long ago, so I thought. I had finally brought the jolly zest back into my life, well, not until a week ago. Why? Simply because of my stupidity along with my itchy hands which couldn't leave it at that and it had to do it, and it did it!!! Regrets...regrets...regrets...

What's done is done. All I need the most now is self-control and definitely nothing else. It's difficult as I don't share 'the thing' with any living soul. Something I shall carry with me to the grave...hmmm, sounds bloody damn serious, doesn't it? Sure it does and it is indeed! So, I’m alone here (my choice, really)…sob sob sob.

This is all going back to those years which had significantly affected me as a person, very positively, I may say - I had found my inner strengths in which I never knew I had, also the capacity to take control of the worst situation. I was a woman with perspective and focus, I knew what I needed to do. Alhamdulillah, there's always a blessing in disguise. I am what I am today, defined by the worst episode of my life. Guess what? I love the 'me' today - focused, optimistic and bla bla bla....(anything synonymous to it, hehehehe).

Phew....that does it! It's good to let it out of the chest. I feel a whole lot better now that it's all out in the open. Still, no one knows about what I had terribly done. But it's ok, I'm fine for now. Regrets? Almost gone...almost, not entirely though!!!

I pray hard to Allah swt to give me the strength to put things behind me after tonite, as I desperately need it so I could live my life peacefully. I really don't want to go back to what I have been doing for the past one week. We'll see, but I know somehow the devil in me will take at least 5 mins of control over my life!!! Hish....back to square one. Shera Shera...